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  • Writer's pictureEllen Bookman

It's 3:40 am. Why am I awake?

Lack of Sleep. This is now my new normal. I go to bed and wake up between 2 am and 3:32 a.m. most nights. Yes, 3:32 a.m. Not 3:30 or 3:45. It’s kinda weird that it’s the exact same time every night. I used to totally freak out that I couldn’t sleep. In the early days of my diagnosis, (it sounds like I have had “the Park for years!. In actuality, it’s only been 14 months)., I would have incredible anxiety just thinking about not sleeping, Somehow, and I really don’t know how I was able to do this, I moved from the freaking out phase into acceptance.

Lesson Learned. Work towards acceptance — it keeps the anxiety at bay!

Don’t Obsess Over What is Causing a Certain Symptom. So, I can’ sleep. Prior to the acceptance phase, I would analyze why it was happening. Is it my night sweats? Is it “the Park?” Is it stress? Over rotating causes anxiety. Anxiety = Crazy! Crazy overtakes my life. So, my advice is to be methodical.

Consider your options. Talk to someone — a fellow Boxer (next post I promise will be about Boxing!), a doctor, a friend, Just keep talking.

For me, I went to the psychiatrist to see if she could change my sleeping meds. Dr. Mintz would not thought that my insomnia might be be linked to menopause. She recommended I visit my OB for bloodwork to check my hormone levels. By the way, I really needed hormone replacement therapy.

So now we wait to see if the hormones work. I am up at 3:48 am! I am going to be patient because my sister told me that hormones “changed my life!” I am waiting for this to happen.

Lesson Learned. Don’t freak out over each individual symptom. Be methodical. Don’t over rotate on whether or not it’s “the Park” causing your problems.

Stiffness. Recently, I am more stiff than normal. Lee even noticed it visually — meaning he could actually see the stiffness. My entire left side is rigid. My gait is a little off. My left arm gets locked. So, as I have recommended, I am trying not to freak out. I am going to try and be methodical to keep the anxiety at bay. Ok, so I am stiff. I have Parkinson’s. Uh, maybe I am not quite ready to be methodical. I will probably freak out just a little bit more. And, then I will move to acceptance. Eventually!

Lesson Learned (Or not quite yet). Keep the freak out phase as short as possible!

New Section: “One funny thing!” Ok, it’s now 4:29 a.m., and I am sure something funny happened — I just can’t f’n remember - oh just another symptom I am trying not to freak out about — my memory. Is it “the Park?” Is it the vape usage? Is it………..Who cares what it is — cause I still can’t remember shit. I gotta start writing this stuff down.


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