Before Parkinson's Disease (PD) ever touched my life, I was a different person. I was organized, neat, outgoing, and, yes, insecure.
Today, my organization skills are out the window. I keep to myself more. I have a garden. I cook. I decorate my house. For those who know me (and even for myself sometimes), it must be hard to reconcile the old from the new Ellen.
Here's how we are the same.
I am 55. I am going through menopause. I can't remember shit, and I am constantly saying to myself "why did I walk in this room and where are my keys, phone?" We all struggle with this on a day to day basis.
The difference between you and me...
I have a neurological brain disorder. I take medication to ease the stiffness in my body. Some days my arms, shoulders and legs are tight. Some days I am laser focused. Other days I am foggy, can't listen or concentrate and forget simple tasks. My foot gets so cramped at night that it's hard to walk. This is my truth.
I am making a pact with myself.
As of August 23, 2020, I will be more secure with the fact that I am not what I used to be and will stop trying to explain. I have PD. It's changed me. Some days for the better. Some days are for the worse.
I am not going to get angry and frustrated with those who don't see this. It's my relationship with the truth that matters. The new me is thankful for what I do have and will do my best to look at the positives in my life on a daily basis. It's a tall order but goals are good to have:
Here's what I am thankful for:
I have a wonderful husband and daughter.
My dog is fantastic.
I have wonderful friends.
I am building a relationship, learning to ride and cope with Lucille, the horse I am leasing from my friend Sandy. Sandy has taught me to ride and to understand the complexities of horse ownership. Every day is an adventure.
The understanding that sometimes I just have to give in to the downs.
My PD support system is strong.
On the good days, I make sure to recognize that it's a good day.
On the bad days, I make sure to recognize that a good day is on the horizon.