Who cares what I have to say?
I think about writing a new blog everyday, and each day that I don't write makes me even more anxious. Like what I have to say matters. Or does it?
I used to think it didn't matter, so I just yelled louder. As if by shouting, I would be heard. What's weird is that when I don't shout, people become uncomfortable. While annoying, it's still what they expect of me. Just the other day, my hubby commented on how I was way more subdued and quiet than I used to be and that he missed the "other" Ellen.
Well, while that freaks me out, I like this new me much better -- the post Parksinon's diagnosis (PD) me. Life is crazy. You spend your life doubting yourself and wondering what you have to offer to others. Then, one day, BOOM. The shoe drops, and your life changes forever. With the diagnosis fog also comes the positive.
THE TOP TEN POSITIVE THINGS THAT I AM EXPERIENCING FOLLOWING MY PD DIAGNOSIS...
1. I found my voice -- it's softer now. 2. I am starting a mentor program for those with YOPD. 3. I can't take the drama and try not to insert myself in other's business. 4. I feel accepted. 5. I feel like what I have to say matters. 6. I got back on the horse that threw me. 7. I am getting along with my daughter. 8. I am in shape. 9. I have a horse that I take care of and ride. 10.I have a husband who gets me.
Please know that with the good also comes the bad. I still have Parkinson's and spend many days not feeling myself. I worry about the future. I don't sleep. I miss my mom. I worry about how I am going to change as the disease progresses. I worry that I can't work anymore because I am too scatter brained. I realize that I have to be more patient with people who don't get the disease. How could they?
TOP TEN WAYS TO BE THE PERSON I WANT TO BE....
1. Try being more patient and positive. 2. Be kind. 3. Offer less judgement. 4. Keep learning. 5. Keep blogging. 6. Keep riding. 7. Box more. 8. Give in to the bad days and celebrate the good ones. 9. Don't panic. 10.Keep loving. laughing. living.